Uppfriskande förolämpningar från Blackadder
Något som kan lätta upp denna molniga måndag är givetvis några uppfriskande förolämpningar och citat från Blackadder.
Baldrick: But I’ve been in your family for generations.
Blackadder: Yes, and so has syphilis, now get out.
George: Sir, if we do happen to step on a landmine, what do we do?
Blackadder: Well, normal procedure lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet into the air and scatter yourself over a wide area.
If we lose, I’ll be chopped into pieces. My arm’ll end up in Essex, my torso in Norfolk and my genitalia stuck up a tree somewhere in Rutland.
Blackadder: I’m off to see the Queen.
Percy: Oh, should I come too, my lord?
Blackadder: No, best not. People might think we’re friends.
Baldrick, your head is as empty as a eunuch’s underpants.
Baldrick, does it have to be this way? Our valued friendship ending with me cutting you up into strips and telling the prince that you walked over a very sharp cattle grid in an extremely heavy hat?
There hasn’t been a war run this badly since Olaf the hairy, King of all the Vikings, ordered 80,000 battle helmets with the horns on the inside.
Baldrick, in the Amazonian rain forests there are tribes of Indians as yet untouched by civilisation who have developed more convincing Charlie Chaplin impressions than yours.
You’re the worst cook in the entire world. There are amoeba on Saturn who can boil a better egg than you.
You look like a bird who swallowed a plate.
Blackadder: Baldrick, I would like to say how much I will miss your honest, friendly companionship.
Baldrick: Thank you, Mr B.
Blackadder: But, as we both know, it would be an utter lie. I will therefore confine myself to saying simply, “Sod off and if I ever meet you again, it will be twenty billion years too soon.
They do say, Mrs M, that verbal insults hurt more than physical pain. They are, of course, wrong, as you will soon discover when I stick this toasting fork into your head.
If Baldrick served a meal at HQ he would be arrested for the biggest mass poisoning since Lucretia Borgia invited 500 friends for a Wine and Anthrax Party.
A man may fight for many things. His country, his principles, his friends. The glistening tear on the cheek of a golden child. But personally, I’d mud-wrestle my own mother for a ton of cash, an amusing clock and a sack of French porn.
This place stinks like a pair of armoured trousers after the Hundred Years War. Baldrick, have you been eating dung again?”
Till sist något som förvisso inte Blackadder sa utan Lady Whiteadder, men som är för bra för att inte ta med på den här listan.
Cold is God’s way of telling us to burn more Catholics.
Med det sagt finns det givetvis mängder av fler förolämpningar och citat som skulle kunna platsa på denna lista. Har ni några personliga favoriter?